Prayers and Hope

Today was my weekly visit to Wynne to visit Daddy. Neall & Becca were there as well for lunch. I made a recipe that I got from Mrs. Draper--really spicy with lots of sausage and shrimp that you would never been able to eat. People tell me that God has a reason for doing this, I can't even imagine what could be worth taking you from us, but I am trying to be patient and to let it come to me. I wonder if it is so that Daddy and I can get closer. I always said that Daddy was so quiet only becuase he never really had a chance to talk with you around. Maybe I was on to something... we talk everyday now. I have always known that I am so lucky and that Daddy loves me like every little girl deserves but I remember how anytime I called and asked to talk to him, you always said, "what's wrong????" Usually something was, my car got broke in to or broke down, or something fun like football or politics. But now we talk. We actually talk about stuff--like how bad this sucks, how much we miss you or what you would want us to do. Maybe this is one of those reasons. I have to also say that my belief and trust in prayer has strengthened. As sad as I am, I really have not had that many just total meltdowns. I expected to be beyond grief and unable to even function right now. All of my friends are amazed at how strong I have been, but I don't think I am that strong. I have thought all along that it was just that I was still in shock and the reality had not set in yet. It dawned on me today that it the prayers of so many people that is keeping me afloat. Those prayers are keeping me alive and allowing me to hold on to your memories and to your personality and your zest and your passion. I am able to right now, right at this moment, who knows what I will be like later, but right now, I am just so thrilled and realize how fortunate I am to have had you. There are so many friends that do not have a relationship with their moms like we did. How lucky am I? And how lucky am I for so many of your friends to love you so much that they love us in turn and are keeping us afloat? But regardless, I still wish you were here to be a part of it.

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