The Hunt Goes On

Well, I am not sure that Idlewild is the place for me. I am really asking myself some tough questions and I didn’t think that was what this was about. Getting back in to church was supposed to be something to bring me to a better place so that I could create a new foundation in my life now that every thing seems to have been shaken to the core. It is very awkward walking into a church for the first time alone. And even more awkward going into a Sunday School class alone when you know no one!!! But I did it because I felt it was important and I really am in great need right now. I am used to being the only one I am around with the political beliefs that I have. It has actually become a scar that I carry with pride, almost like my very own, very Red, scarlet letter. While there are some friends that I will disagree with and have discussions with or even, maybe instigate, for the most part, I try to just nod and smile politely when in the middle of a discussion of differing views. But, I did not expect to go to church and be smack in the middle of a political discussion. Almost a political lesson. I had teased about they were going to try and convert me, but I really felt like I could just smile and nod and it all be my little dirty secret, and no one ever be the wiser. When I asked about classes to attend, I got a list of three: the class I attended, a class for young parents (I really wanted to be in that class but thought it a little creepy with no baby) and the current issues class—that someone described as a liberal support group. Knowing that was not the way I wanted to go, I went to the first one which would look at big issues. The first issue was subdue versus dominion.

Originally I was pretty thrown off kilter since I had trouble finding the books of the Bible. Yeah, that can be pretty embarrassing and really show that you have not been in church in a while. I wanted to tell the teacher, “I know I am a little slow today, but I was once a champion in Bible Drill at Union Avenue Baptist Church in Wynne, AR” but I managed to refrain. I was really excited about this class, realizing that this was not your kids’ Sunday School class. It was actually a discussion that prompted thinking and prodding. It was good; I like that. Somehow along the way the class turned into an environmental conservation lesson though. We started out in Genesis 1:26-31 and then went on to read other instances of “subdue” and “dominion” to better determine their meaning. The instances we looked at all had to do with land and this was turned into how God gave us this gift, the Earth, and we were to take care of it. In turn, how could we justify strip mining and oil drilling? With great pride, I sat there nodding and smiling politely, even when others in the class made snide remarks and sarcastic looks whenever the teacher brought up our “current administration”. The teacher commented that now more of the evangelical Christians are becoming interested in environmental issues and of course, the snicker came, “but is that for Christian purposes or for political gain?” At the end, the teacher asked if he had really proved that God wants us to be environmentalists or had he just used smoking guns and mirrors to prove his point, and he said, “well, maybe a little of both”.

Here is where my query comes in… is it really enriching for me to go to a class where everyone believes the same as I do? Isn’t it more of an intellectual and enriching experience to be around others with varying views and be able to see things in another light and either change your mind on issues or be able to better justify those things in which you believe? I think it is better to have differing opinions. If I were around people that always felt the way I do, wouldn’t I just be regurgitating their comments and information?

This was my thinking when I decided I was going to continue to attend the class and see what I can learn. And then I got the email. The one that said our Sunday School class would not be meeting in the same room because we were combining with another class for a guest lecturer: Harold Ford, Jr. The candidate for Senate. The search is on for a new church since I do not feel like I need to be somewhere that substitutes a political rally for a Sunday School class.

I know how much it meant to you for me to be back in church and I promised the day you died to go back. I have missed a few days here and there, but I am trying. It is just so hard to be a grown up. It was much easier when I was a kid and having you stand over my bed making me get up, get dressed and get to church with the family. Ha! I remember the time that we saw someone leaving from church with a reindeer or something on the grill of their car and I was making fun and you, so seriously, asked me if I didn’t see the one on our car. In all of my preteen angst, I was mortified! How could you do this to me? Once, I spent the night with a friend on Saturday and after church we had to stop at IGA. Daddy and I went inside to get whatever we needed and while I was inside, you hung my training bra on the antenna. Again, mortified. What I wouldn’t do for you to mortify me again in front of all my friends. I would give anything to see you do Y-M-C-A at Josie’s with a houseful of my friends just one time.

Fear not, the hunt continues for the church for me and I will find it, I promise. You are going to be proud—I promise.

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